Afters spending months beings fondled by TV execs in LA, Totally4Teens is finally hitting the air … sorta. Brought to you by Derrick Beckles (TV Carnage, Street Carnage), Vernon Chatman (PFFR, Wonder Showzen, Xavier: Renegade Angel, the voice of “Towelie” on South Park), and Ari Fishman (the Daily Show), Totally4Teens is a competitor in Adult Swim’s “Big, Uber, Network Sampling,” a contest between eight shows to determine which one will see the sweet light of nighttime adult television. Totally4Teens is up against Soul Quest Overdrive today, February 25th, so get your ass over there and tick the proper box. Voting ends at midnight, so do it NOW.
UPDATE: Oh, so apparently Gavin’s the voice of the Scottish soccer ball in Soul Quest Overdrive so we win either way. Watch ‘em both and VOTE FOR YER FAVE RIGHT HERE.
When I first heard last week that Lee McQueen had died, I was pretty bummed. At only forty years old, Lee McQueen was supremelytalented. He had already established himself as a game-changer in the fashion industry. With celebrities and artists like Lady Gaga unabashedly taking his kooky brand mainstream to the normies, A McQ was poised for so much more. But, as more information leaked and I discovered news of it being a suicide with speculation that his mother’s recent death on February 2 fueled it, I’m not gonna lie, I laughed. Cause I mean, really??
I can’t seem to find anything definitive on how old his mother was, but I would imagine that with her youngest child of six just turning forty, she was at least pushing sixty. He had to have expected that it would be coming soon. Perhaps sooner than he hoped, but certainly it had to have been on the horizon. That aside, there are stages of development that normal functioning humans progress through. You’re born with complete and total dependency on your parents. They keep you warm, nourish you, clean up after you when you shit your pants, and the list goes on. This bond is normal, necessary even for social and emotional development. Obviously, as you get older, you become more and more autonomous. You grow into your own person, and while that initial reliance on family certainly shapes your own values (as I’m sure McQueen’s relationship with his mom did for his creativity) it should absolutely never stand in the way of your life. Somewhere along Erik Erickson’s stages of development, Lee McQueen’s mother fucked up royally. She fostered an environment that encouraged over-dependence that would extend throughout the rest of his life. He didn’t even have a chance and that’s the true fucking tragedy of his story.
Um, did anyone else know what a dirty dog James Joyce was? Cause these raunchy love letterssex stories are kinda blowin’ my mind. Yes? Oh, that’s right. I’m late in the game. Whatever.
Well, dear readers, you’re in for a Valentine’s treat refresher. Settle down with your very best bottle of water-based lube, make sure that cum-rag’s at the ready and curl up with these salacious masterpieces from the early 19th century. All in all, not the most unpleasant solution should you find yourself without a soul to smush this Sunday…
Dublin 8 December 1909
My sweet little whorish Nora I did as you told me, you dirty little girl, and pulled myself off twice when I read your letter. I am delighted to see that you do like being fucked arseways. Yes, now I can remember that night when I fucked you for so long backwards. It was the dirtiest fucking I ever gave you, darling. My prick was stuck in you for hours, fucking in and out under your upturned rump. I felt your fat sweaty buttocks under my belly and saw your flushed face and mad eyes. At every fuck I gave you your shameless tongue came bursting out through your lips and if a gave you a bigger stronger fuck than usual, fat dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside. You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I fucked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole. It is wonderful to fuck a farting woman when every fuck drives one out of her. I think I would know Nora’s fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women. It is a rather girlish noise not like the wet windy fart which I imagine fat wives have. It is sudden and dry and dirty like what a bold girl would let off in fun in a school dormitory at night. I hope Nora will let off no end of her farts in my face so that I may know their smell also.
You say when I go back you will suck me off and you want me to lick your cunt, you little depraved blackguard. I hope you will surprise me some time when I am asleep dressed, steal over to me with a whore’s glow in your slumberous eyes, gently undo button after button in the fly of my trousers and gently take out your lover’s fat mickey, lap it up in your moist mouth and suck away at it till it gets fatter and stiffer and comes off in your mouth. Sometimes too I shall surprise you asleep, lift up your skirts and open your drawers gently, then lie down gently by you and begin to lick lazily round your bush. You will begin to stir uneasily then I will lick the lips of my darling’s cunt. You will begin to groan and grunt and sigh and fart with lust in your sleep. Then I will lick up faster and faster like a ravenous dog until your cunt is a mass of slime and your body wriggling wildly.
Goodnight, my little farting Nora, my dirty little fuckbird! There is one lovely word, darling, you have underlined to make me pull myself off better. Write me more about that and yourself, sweetly, dirtier, dirtier.